We all have negative thoughts, but chronic negativity can affect your everyday function, quality of life and mental health. Not surprisingly, it snakes into relationships, which can be frustrating and, potentially, destructive because it erodes your partner’s quality of life, which is unfair — and even a little mean.
There’s a lovely marriage vow that is symmetrical either for better or worse. However, love isn’t always symmetrical and many of us are unaware of how unbalanced it can be. The worst is more important than the good in marriage , or in any other relationship. This is the way the brain works.
Our thoughts and emotions are influenced by what psychologists refer to as the negativity effect which is the tendency of us to react more strongly to negative emotions and events as opposed to positive emotions. If we are exposed to a mix of criticism and compliments that we are prone to obsessing over the criticism rather than soaking up the positive praise. This issue, sometimes referred to as the negativity bias developed in our brains because it helped keep our forefathers vigilant to threats that could be deadly. However, too often, it alters our perception and behavior. A minor conflict could have disastrous consequences when the power of bad overpowers your judgment which can lead you to make decisions which further alienate your companion. You’ll be better off using your rational mind to thwart your instincts that are irrational, but in order to do this, you must first understand how destructive bad can be.
If you’re together, the negative can magnify your partner’s mistakes either real or imaginary including their lack of gratitude, since you’re also influenced due to an overconfidence in yourself which enhances the strengths of your personal life. You wonder what makes your partner so self-centered and indifferent to your good qualities, and to all the things you’ve done to them. You consider one of the most frustrating puzzles: Why don’t they recognize me?
We’ve got a few answers thanks to psychologists who’ve been monitoring couples’ happiness. They’ve discovered, based on couples’ assessments of their own satisfaction that marriages rarely improve. They tend to see their ratings decline with time. The successful marriages are measured not by growth however, but by avoiding decline. This doesn’t mean that it’s a miserable marriage. The excitement of love diminishes, and the joy that first brought a couple together isn’t able to last for years, however most couples discover other ways to be content and are generally satisfied (just not as content like they were at their beginning). There are times when the loss of satisfaction may be enough to end the marriage. By observing couples’ interactions and keeping track of the time they spend together researchers have come up with an interesting theory of the demise of relationships.
Imagine you’re with someone who is doing something that you find annoying. (This might not take much imagination.) Perhaps your spouse is an overspender, has a crush on your friends, or is a bit tense when you are in between stories. What can you do?
- Let it go and pray that things will improve.
- Discuss what you dislike and find a compromise.
- Sulk. Speak nothing and emotionally distance yourself from your lover.
- Make sure you exit the room. Insist on breaking up, or look for a new partner.